Acting as a Sounding Board

Using another person to help you think something through/get your thoughts clearer.

Strictly speaking a sounding board doesn't speak; it just amplifies noises that come from someone, or something, else. Acting as a sounding board is extraordinarily difficult for most people - especially if they think they know what's best. Letting people think out loud so that they resolve their own problems and reach their own answers is a valuable and grossly under-utilised process. The very act of having to turn previously shadowy, ill-formed thoughts into words clarifies issues without the need for intervention from anyone else, however well intended. So, in a sense, sounding boards amplify learning.

Being a sounding board does not mean doing nothing (though just being there while someone talks is better than nothing). The most effective sounding boards go in for active, as opposed to passive, listening. In essence active listening means doing the following things:

• giving the speaker your complete, undivided attention. You concentrate so hard that it's as though there is no-one else in the world
  
  
• listening, without any interruptions and without thinking about what you are going to say next
  
  
• making 'I'm listening' noises with accompanying nods of the head, eg umm, ah, I see, mmm
  
  
• occasionally paraphrasing what the speaker has said, eg 'So what you're saying is....' 'You seem to be concerned about....' 'As I understand it, your position is....' ' So from your point of view...'
  
  
• controlling all urges to make judgements, give advice, offer guidance or interrupt

That's it! But, of course, like so many worthwhile interpersonal skills, these things are easier said than done.

Clearly, there is a time and place to act as a non-directive sounding board and a time and place to be directive, give guidance and generally be bossy. If only people did more of the former and less of the latter, they would be far more helpful than they often are. If it is unclear what a person wants, ask them point blank 'Do you want me to give you advice or to act as a sounding board?' Even if he/she plumps for advice, you still need to employ your sounding board skills to understand the ins and outs of the situation before you are ready to offer appropriate advice. And before you get to that stage, the penny may have dropped and they may have reached their own conclusion. Notice how profusely they thank you, and all you did was enable them to do all the work.